I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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