9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
