i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
