they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!