Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
