It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
