Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
