Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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