I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
