i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
