You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
