Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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