whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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