can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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