Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
