thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
