franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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