I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
