I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
