I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
