Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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