she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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