i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
