Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
