At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
