I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Panties = found
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
