she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
