Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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