Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
