If that was your dad, he is hot
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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