what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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