Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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