he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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