he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
