I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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