I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
