oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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