so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
