my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
