Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
