I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
