oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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