We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
