I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
