remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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