I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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