And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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