elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
