Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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