At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
