omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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