Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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