Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
