Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
