What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
