I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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