I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
