Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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