One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
